Die or I’ll Kill You.

Fucking read this…

Sometimes when I’m lying in bed, next to or inside no less than 4 women, I like to switch on a DVD.

98% of the time I can watch a good action film and keep my adamantine errection. No problems there. Explosions, violence, I’m really turned on.

Sometimes a good film will start slow and then redeem itself with some guns or someone getting punched really fucking hard.

But there is a remaining 2% unaccounted for. This is the 2% that some how manages to dirty up my DVD player, leaving a metaphorical shit stain in the tray. I managed to find myself in this minority situation last night, and I can tell you now that I’m still fuming about it.

I looked at the cover of The Producers; it checked out ok:

Two blokes in black suits - Probably a funeral scene.
Will Ferell in a nazi outfit - A plus.
Yes it’s got uma turman - Tits.

After the first five minutes I’d lost my temper and my errection. Now my TV is out the fucking window and so is the slag that got in my way.

 Whats the fucking point in this?

Im driving along drunk, I see this sign on the back window of some do gooder fucks people carrier, is it a warning not to smash in the back of them, or just some badge of pride that they have a fucking screaming snot nosed shitbag cunt in their car. Either way it winds me up. Next time I see a sign saying baby on board, I’m gonna drag the mother out the car, stab her face in and twat the baby’s skull in. Get a new sign saying dead baby on board, bitch.

I don’t have a sign on my car saying fucking badass on board, I should but I dont beacuse I’m not a prick.

FUCK YOU!!!!!!

What is it with little girls trying to play guitars?

Look at these munters:

There are too many whores like this thinking their music will make people overlook their giantism faces. Not this prick.

You wish you were your lesbian hippie mum, so you make songs about the conversations you have in the shower together, slagging off men. No one cares about your doc martin boots. You’ve got an overgrown bush, a face like you were punched in the womb, and you’re fat.

Next time I hear any of you on the radio trying to use a man’s weapon (guitar) I’m going to shotgun the radio into the next woman I see. Unless she’s got massive tits, in which case shes lucky.